a collection of thoughts by a Stay At Home Dad
by Stuart
While I never would have made the cover of GQ, I did take pride in dressing sharply for both work and social events whenever appropriate. Polishing my shoes and pressing my shirts were as enjoyable as the finished result.
Today as I sort and fold laundry, I realize how far I’ve drifted from my previous life. I have separate categories for “exercise t-shirts,” daily wear t-shirts,” and “dressy t-shirts.”
by Stuart
Our parenting style evolved significantly from the time of our first child to the time of our third child. We were not only more relaxed but also more distracted as we now had three kids who are much more mobile and active. One great example of the drastic difference is how the toilet training process went.
When our daughter was learning, we organized playdates with other girls the same age and we had a baby sitter to help as all three girls would line up to take scheduled potty breaks together. We had star charts and videos and books and pretty purple princess pull-ups for a total immersion into the process.
In contrast, recently my wife and I were in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready when we see our third child walking naked down the hall with something in his hands. Out of morbid curiosity, we stop what we’re doing to follow him. He walks into the bathroom and we realize that he’s been carrying is his portable plastic potty. He puts it down on the floor, opens the toilet seat, picks up the plastic potty and dumps his pee and poo into the toilet and flushes it. He then goes to the sink to wash his hands and then he takes his step stool over to the pantry to get himself a treat.
As he goes back to play, we realize that our child has potty trained himself without us and the only thought that goes through our heads is whether or not we should make him put some clothes on.
by Stuart
So I’m having a bad evening – a little tired and cranky – and, sure, the kids are doing stuff they shouldn’t be but I’m crabbing at them more than their behavior deserves. Come dinnertime, I’m in a truly foul mood and in the process of getting a cup of water for my middle boy, I accidentally knock it over and spill it all over the counter and down to the floor. It’s entirely my mistake , I’m angry with myself, and it shows on my face. My son sees the look on my face and without a second thought, he puts on his biggest smile and says, “It’s okay Daddy, accidents happen.”
My anger fades and is quickly replaced with such a feeling of pride in my son. Sometimes I feel I’ve been blessed with beautiful kids in spite of myself.
by Stuart
My wife is out of town for a several day training class. It’s only an hour away and the kids were really missing Mommy so I took them after school to visit her during her break. It made for a great way to spend the afternoon/evening since if we came directly home after school, I’d have three grumpy kids to deal with all evening whereas with our excursion, I had three slightly less grumpy kids to deal with for only an hour before bed.
On our way home from our visit, I thought it would be nice to take the kids out to dinner in a restaurant instead of chicken nuggets from a drive through, which, for all its convenience, is something I’d prefer to minimize. We ended up in a truck stop at a Shari’s restaurant. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Shari’s, it’s similar in style to a Big Boy or Denny’s. What made this meal special is that it’s the first time I took all three kids by myself to a sit down restaurant. Well, I can’t remember ever taking them out by myself to a sit-down restaurant, which means it could have happened but my mind blocked out the horror either as a coping mechanism or by electro-shock and/or chemical intervention. Regardless, it was all new to me this time.
I don’t know how long it took me to realize it, but somewhere during the hour-long process, I realized that it was not only not unpleasant, but it was actually fun. As my guys grow older, they have the patience to sit longer, are able to entertain themselves by talking to each other and to me, and occupy their mind with crayons and reading materials.
I sat back and watched as my three kids colored on their kid menus, showed their drawings to each other, talked about their day. Every moment when I observe a milestone in their childhoods, it is a time of immense pride with a touch of sadness. The pride comes from watching my children grow into the people they were meant to become; the sadness from leaving behind another wonderful phase in my babies’ lives.
I hope my kids always enjoy each others’ company as they do now. Maybe in twenty years they’ll still be meeting for the occasional dinner date and if I’m lucky, I could join them one time. At some point during the meal, I’ll just have to sit back quietly, watch them together, and remember this day.
by Stuart
A few nights ago was the Parent’s Back to School night. It is a night when parents can visit their kids’ classroom and meet the teacher to learn about what goes on in the class.
In my daughter’s first grade class, I sat at her desk and listened as the teacher guided us through their day and had a chance to look through her writing journal, math journal, etc. In one of her journals, I decided to write her a note so I flipped to an empty page a few days ahead of where she was in the journal and wrote,
“Dear Lilliana, I love you. -Daddy”
After I wrote it, I started second-guessing myself. My daughter has recently decided that she doesn’t want me walking in with her to her classroom since she’s too big now so maybe she’ll be embarrassed and irritated that I wrote in her school journal.
Later in the week, I got my answer in Lil’s homework binder. This binder has a notebook in it in which she writes down her homework assignment. I help her with her homework and then sign the page for her to take back to school. As the kids were changing out of their school clothes, I opened her binder to see what we had to do this evening. Here’s what was written:
“Math packet due tomorrow
Read 20 minutes
i love you because you are the best family ever. love, lilliana”
by Stuart
As I was driving to pick up my kids from school one sunny afternoon, I was lucky enough to catch War Pigs by Black Sabbath on the radio. What could be better to rockin’ out to War Pigs? Flashing back five years ago when my daughter was just old enough to sit in a front-facing car seat and watching her in the rear-view mirror as she pumps her fists and shakes her head to War Pigs. It was the first time she rocked out in the car and not only does it make me a Proud Papa but it’s such a fond memory of the two of us at the start of my life as a stay-at-home-dad.
by Stuart
As readers may already know, I’m a big Star Wars fan and now my kids are too, even though they aren’t old enough to have ever watched it. With my t-shirts and other paraphernalia, they kids know all the characters and ask questions to learn all the stuff they’ve never actually seen in the movies. Whenever practical, I try to infuse our Star Wars discussions with some life lesson or other parenting moment.
Daughter: Why does Darth Vader wear that black suit?
Dad: Because his entire body was badly burned and chopped up.
Daughter: How did that happen?
Dad: He lost control and threw a horrible temper tantrum in a dangerous place
Daughter (pensive): oh.
(silence for a brief moment)
Daughter: What about the cape?
Dad: Well, that’s just for style ‘cos it matches the suit; someday Mommy will teach you how to accessorize.
by Stuart
So I woke up this Monday morning well rested and feeling great after a weekend of exercise and productive house projects. Until, of course, I discovered that the dog barfed on our bedroom rug, my wife had a killer migraine, and my son barfed on the way to school. Who knew bad days could be contagious?
by Stuart
For you parents who are also quantum physics buffs, may I present a thought experiment, something I call “Schrodinger’s Kids”…
My kids are in a spotless room filled with finger paints, markers, and scissors. I am elsewhere in the house, completely unaware of what is happening inside the room. The room could be either in its earlier pristine condition or it could have decayed into a horrid post-apocalyptic shit heap. Do I make the observation?
by Stuart
So we’re moving into a bigger house and this new house is big enough that my father could move in with us.
I was putting up shelving in the garage one day while my wife was at work and discovered that I needed a specific screw size that I didn’t have. Normally, I would have had to round up the kids, throw them in the minivan, and take them to the store with me. This time, however, I just told my dad that I was going out for a quick ten-minute errand and asked him to keep an ear out for the kids. Upon my return, I was amazed to discover that, without the kids, my ten-minute errand took… ten minutes.
Wow, I had forgotten what that was like; I could get used to that.