I’ve found that I get the best workouts when I bring my kids to the drop-in-day-care at the gym, primarily because if I stop working out, they give me my kids back.
A Terrible Misnomer
It was a sad day when I realized that “The Terrible Twos” don’t actually, as one might reasonably assume, end after the age of two.
Stu’s Diet Breakthrough
Hey Parents, here’s a little tip to help shed those unwanted pounds…
When I’m getting ready to cook dinner and I fix myself a cocktail, I purposely take the liquor bottle out of the kitchen and put it away in another room where we keep the liquor. You won’t believe how this little habit has helped drop the weight.
I now get a great cardio workout walking back and forth from the kitchen to the other room where we keep the liquor.
Hello Tom, Goodbye Kids
…made a Tom Collins with homemade Gomme Syrup, carbonated water, lemon juice, and Tanqueray Rangpur gin.
Stay tuned for my new movie, “Honey, I’m Completely Oblivious to the Kids”
Daddy’s Little Girl
It’s been said that, “Daddy is a Little Girl’s first true love.”
To this, I must add,
“…and a Little Girl is her Daddy’s last.”
Six Pack Abs
I have developed a revolutionary new Ab Workout – guaranteed results! I’m calling it “go-to-the-community-pool-and-
WARNING: this is not for the weak of spirit
Girlie Hairdos
I’m actually not so bad when it comes to doing my daughter’s hair, especially when you consider the fact that I’m a forty-something bald male. I’ve heard stories of girls crying as tufts are being ripped out or pulled way too tight. If anything, I can be accused of being way out of style.
People know it when I do my daughter’s hair because she looks straight out of the 80’s. I suppose it’s because that’s the last time I had hair.
There’s a lot worse problems a girl could have. At least at her current age (6), she’s not so worried about what fashion mags tell her so if she loves the wind blown look and wants to don her favorite feather earring, so be it.
Mommy-Daddy Time
I was wondering… when you go to the Red Cross to donate blood and they ask you questions like, “Have you ever traded drugs for sex?” – does that include giving the kids Benadryl so that they don’t interrupt Mommy-Daddy time?
My Little Army Brats
I think our kids should be in the military … General Nuisance, Major Pain, and Corporal Punishment…
Early Mornings
Some people look at the clock and mumble:
What the..@%#$^%#, it’s 4:45 am. Why the hell am I awake?
I look at the clock and think:
I only have 2 hours and 15 minutes of quiet before my kids wake up