SAHDism

a collection of thoughts by a Stay At Home Dad

“The Year of Living Sequeiralously”

I Suppose You’ll Do

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We’re on vacation in Sunriver and at the bouncy house, a favorite of our kids.  They love jumping and sliding and showing off their newest acrobatics, especially to my wife.  They love showing her stuff in part because she isn’t around as much and also because she is much more effusive and outgoing, whereas I’m more reserved.

Bennett gets to the top of the bouncy slide, ready to do his next trick, and calls out,

“Mommy, watch this!”

Unfortunately, my wife had just left for the bathroom and I let him know this.  Oh, you should have seen the sad look on his face.  He lowered his head and looked at his toes for a few seconds.  Then a flash of brilliance comes upon him and he starts smiling again.  He looks up at me and yells,

“Daddy, watch this!”

My Wild Days Are Long Gone

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We took the kids berry picking  and picked 25 pounds of berries.  I took some of the berries to make raspberry syrup for homemade lemonade.  It was amusing to think that in a mere twenty years, I went from that crazy Muthafucka Stuart to Martha fucking Stewart.

Booty Call

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My kids can ignore and mistreat me all day and yet,  in the middle of the night, they come with those sad puppy dog eyes and crawl into my bed.  It’s sort of a toddler booty call.

A Bad Evening and a Moment of Clarity

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My three year old just couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted this evening.  I asked if he wanted ketchup or mustard on his hot dog and he said “Mustard.”  When I brought him his hot dog he got mad and said he wanted ketchup, not mustard.  After a quick rebuttal, I realized that it was futile so I ate the hot dog with mustard and got him another with ketchup.  At this point, he decided he wanted the black bean burger his cousin was eating (she’s in town visiting).  I promptly ate the hot dog with ketchup and prepared a black bean burger, giving him a quarter of it so that he doesn’t mangle the rest into something inedible (I, of course, quickly ate the remaining three quarters).  Then he argues that he doesn’t like hamburgers, he wants a hot dog…

I ask my niece to take the bigger kids to watch a movie on the computer while I take young Harry upstairs.  He and I snuggle in front of a big box fan and he’s crying (and my stomach is gurgling).  I feel bad for him –  he just can’t figure out what he wants and he can’t find the words for it either.  Normally I’d get frazzled in this situation and I’m surprised to have this moment of clarity and understanding instead of getting irritated.

Maybe it’s because it’s tough to be angry on a full stomach.

Not What I Had In Mind

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Mick, Lilliana, Bennett, and Harrison sleeping in our bedMy wife and I love trying new positions in the bedroom.  Unfortunately, for us this means figuring out how to get comfortable after one, two, or even three children crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night.

Motivation

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I’ve found that I get the best workouts when I bring my kids to the drop-in-day-care at the gym, primarily because if I stop working out, they give me my kids back.

A Terrible Misnomer

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It was a sad day when I realized that “The Terrible Twos” don’t actually, as one might reasonably assume, end after the age of two.

Ben Learning the Lingo

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Our youngest is potty training and we’ve been enlisting our older two to help/encourage. It’s great to see them all working together and even when accidents happen, they are all supportive. Today, this led to a Proud Parenting moment and a not-so-proud Parenting moment happening simultaneously…

(children coming up the stairs together)

Ben (middle child): Harry just shit his pants.
Mommy: Where did you learn that word?
Ben: Daddy.

Harry’s Tantrum

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Harry, apparently, must have watched the old Monty Python skit “I’d Like to Buy an Argument” …

Harry, lamenting some parenting decision: Daddy, it’s just not fair!!!

Daddy, trying to be understanding of the three year old perspective: No, I suppose it doesn’t seem very fair, does it?

Harry: Yes it is !!!!

Quoting Stallone

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I was pretty sure that I’d never have an opportunity to quote Sylvester Stallone in a parenting moment, let alone Judge Dredd, but there I was, playing the inanimate object upon which all three children were jumping and pretending to “drive”, until I finally decided I’d had enough and rolled over…

Daughter: Awww, Daddy, you broke our car !!!
Dad: Break the Car?!?!? I AM the Car !!!