So I woke up this Monday morning well rested and feeling great after a weekend of exercise and productive house projects. Until, of course, I discovered that the dog barfed on our bedroom rug, my wife had a killer migraine, and my son barfed on the way to school. Who knew bad days could be contagious?
Archives for September 2013
For you parents who are also quantum physics buffs, may I present a thought experiment, something I call “Schrodinger’s Kids”…
My kids are in a spotless room filled with finger paints, markers, and scissors. I am elsewhere in the house, completely unaware of what is happening inside the room. The room could be either in its earlier pristine condition or it could have decayed into a horrid post-apocalyptic shit heap. Do I make the observation?
So we’re moving into a bigger house and this new house is big enough that my father could move in with us.
I was putting up shelving in the garage one day while my wife was at work and discovered that I needed a specific screw size that I didn’t have. Normally, I would have had to round up the kids, throw them in the minivan, and take them to the store with me. This time, however, I just told my dad that I was going out for a quick ten-minute errand and asked him to keep an ear out for the kids. Upon my return, I was amazed to discover that, without the kids, my ten-minute errand took… ten minutes.
Wow, I had forgotten what that was like; I could get used to that.
As I stood there in my boxers, ironing my wife’s pants for work while belting out some Adele, I thought that perhaps I’ve been a house husband a bit too long.
Why is alcohol called “empty calories?” Sometimes is the most fulfilling part of my day.
My youngest is finally potty training. As I watched him in the bathroom, standing on his step-stool, a full foot-and-a-half above the toilet, I realized that whatever money we may save in diapers will be spent on paper towels cleaning up the three-foot radius.